I'm a good cook. Let me take that back. In fact, I'm a darn bloody good cook.

Stay with me here. Don't fade.

There comes a point in everyone's life where he has to make one of the most momentous decisions in his life: careers.

No, I'm not talking about what you want to do with the rest of your life, or what your life goal is. This is not the same as careers. The two are not usually mutually inclusive. My goal in life is to win the world cup while scoring ten goals, against Brazil in the final. What's the chance of that happening? What I want to do in life is have fun and keep on learning new things and ideas. That's not necessarily going to happen in a job.

I'm talking about a way to make money. If you're lucky, this might also be an enjoyalbe and fulfilling experience.

First, there is the option of staying a student for the rest of one's life. Unfortunately, there is only so much money you could drain out of your parents, and there are only so many scholarships that you can apply for. Student as a profession unfortunately does not pay either, and you do get tired of the lousy food and accomodation. Worst is when you suddenly realize one day that the study buddy you've been eyeing up all week is young enough to be your daughter.

Hence, you have to choose something else to do, as parents cannot support you infinitely. This is very easy, particularly when you consider the diverse and extremely fulfilling options you have in Bahrain, and the Gulf in general. First there is our booming and dynamic movie industry, which has churned out many an oscar winner. If not that we have our hard-hitting and intellectually stimulating TV industry. If words are more your thing, how about some of our award-grabbing newspapers, particularly the pulitzer-prize staffed english ones?

Maybe it is more fruitful to become an academic. After all, our research facilities are excellent, and the burden of beauracracy and student-hours teaching is minimal in our fine universities. Maybe in these world-envied establishments one could continue his quest for knowledge, contributing new ideas in widely taught and locally highly saught after subjects such as philosophy, history and the pure sciences. Hell, you might even be able to add a noble prize to their already bulging prize shelf.

If you are very thick then I should tell you I am being sarcastic. The newspapers we have would not even qualify as a university gazette over here. They're more likely to be used to eat food on, or worse, to wipe recently digest remains. I mean, how embarassing is it that half of our newspapers are written by news agencies 5,000 miles away from us, even when it is in Arabic. You look at the GDN or even Al Wasat and half the stories are ripoffs from reuters or France Press. A goddamn Frenchman writes better articles than we do, IN OUR OWN LANGUAGE!

Then we have the local stories section. If you want to spend a lifetime saying "the dude went here and there, said some amazing stuff, it was awesome, it moved me to tears. I am eternally enlightened by his wisdom. We now know why he is the smartest and wisest man ever to exist on the face of this earth," then a newspaper in Bahrain would be perfect. If you want to make more hard hitting stories, such as corruption in Alba or the government, or write about the living conditions of expats or prostitutes in Bahrain, outlining who are the big fish that sponsor them and put them in such conditions, then you'll probably end up without a job, or worse, in jail. Better stick to saying what Saint Christopher kindergarten did on their field day out.

So the reality dawns on you that if you want a half-decent job in Bahrain it will either be in banking, accounting, law, or something-related to computers.

Awesome.

I'll tell you who has the best job in the world, hands down: Keith Floyd. No? You don't know him? Well that's part of why he has the best job. What's his job exactly? He goes around the world, visiting most countries known to man, gets pissed, and cooks amazing food. He is also a published writer (his recipes) and a millionare. Plus, he is not the type of celebrity who gets chased down by the media the whole time. Who would refuse such a job? Drinking fine wine, travelling the globe, spending time with the local women, making good money, and cooking good food. You don't even need to lie to your partner about how good her cooking is anymore.

Now like I said before, I'm a good cook. In fact, I'm a darn bloody good cook. Do you think the good old ministry of disinformation would fund me to travel the globe and show Bahrain the culinary delights of the world, or will they stick to Afnan Al Zayani? Ahh, my mouth is already watering at the idea of sitting on the beach in Sicily, sipping my (non-alcoholic of course) drink, chatting about Dante with a fine Italian lady, and then prepare some fine gellatio and granita which we we feed to each other.

....
...

Well it's either that, or accounting.

¶ 1:01 AM